The Beauty of Before

It’s been over a year since I walked away from my favorite place on earth for the last time.

I still can’t look at photos of this place so dear for longer than a few seconds because it is so overwhelmingly sad to know that its part in my life is now only accessible through photos and memories. It is in the past, and that will not change.

Last night as I was arranging the last [but most significant] room in my new apartment, I picked up the 25-year-old real estate slip for the property I miss so very much. The tears came easily; and after putting it in a temporary place of display, I had to leave the room for a while instead of shoving it in a box or drawer, determined to keep it in view.

Maybe embracing beauty means taking these small steps of acceptance. Maybe it means giving it as much time as is needed. Maybe it means taking bigger steps and letting all be unearthed at once and grieved in truth and acknowledging of reality. I don’t know.

I do know that regardless of circumstances, I am and forever will be beyond grateful to have called this special place home for nearly 25 years of my life. It is a beauty all its own, and I am blessed to have shared in its wondrous glory.


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